K so I decided that I MUST go this year. Last year kinda sucked...
So to make up for it I really want to go this year. Really really really really bad!
The Renassaince Festival is to much fun!
Aww... I want to =[

So I'm pretty much trying to ignore any bad stuff happening. So I won't talk about them. Too much stress x_x Gives me headaches and what not. I'm not very excited for next semester to be honest. I'm really not. That will bring tons of stress.
Ugh.

School, work, Austin, Emily, money issues... tons of stuff just brings stress. =[
School costs too much money. Work is just stressful in itself and exhausting. I was so tired last night from it! Ugh. And Austin of course wants me to keep thinking about him. He wants something for Valentines Day. And he's jealous of Jimmy the cashier and Jimmy in my department.
Jimmy the cashier was a bagger. He's asian! He's probably just 17. But he's adorable. He seems like the type of person that would annoy people without realizing it. But he likes to hug me <3 I love it. He gives good hugs. And he's warm. So I enjoy them. But Austin tends to see it and he apparently doesn't like it... I didn't even know he saw them. And then he hates Jimmy in my department because he's older and with me most of the time. But I hate that Jimmy. He's just annoying and a jerk.

Alright. My day off today! I'm so happy. And I don't work tomorrow. I'm hoping to take Gir to a dog park or something when no one is there. But I don't know what a good time would be except at night or something? I don't know... But I really want to take Gir. See how he does.

<3

Current Music: Don't Trust Me - 3OH!3

Got a new phone! It's finally under my name. I'm happy.
BUT... It probably wasn't smart. I still have to pay off like... the rest of my life. But you know... I think you still need a phone for liker emergencies and stuff. So maybe I shouldnt' feel as bad. But I will have no money for the next few months. YUS!

So I'm kinda happy I have a bad memory. Because then I can't tell if this year sucked or was good. I just know complicated stuff happened. -___-
Still complicated with Austin.
Still kinda want Kyle. UGH.
Still no money...

Gotta make sure my classes are paid for.
I work on New Years day. Awesome. I won't see Kyle this week =[
Doubt he'll miss me...
I gave him some tree thing. I couldn't find a bonsai tree so I bought an Asian Money Tree. I think he likes it. So I guess it worked. YUS.

And I finally went to zoo lights with Austin. I kept my promise but he's still saying I didn't give him a real chance... Ugh. And he's upset that he can't read me? I dunno. So he went to Carmen. Just great...

And Scott Wooley came into the store yesterday. He somehow had my number and he tried calling me last night after work. He wants to hang out. I remember him being such a tweaker, hating authority, stealing alcohol. So I'd rather not. But how did he get my number? 0_o

But I just watched The Covenant! And I liked it. So yay bright side!
<3

Current Location: Bed
Current Mood: numb
Current Music: something by the RHCP

I feel bad now because I have no money to give anyone presents!
So I don't want anyone to get me anything. I'll feel so bad =[
I probably won't even pay my phone bill now just to save money so I can pay for school for a bit. Ugh. I'm starting to hate school so much now. On Monday I guess I'll try to request more hours and see what they can give me during winter break. Grrr. I want a new job so bad. I hate working there. But I'm not about to quit. Getting a job is hard now.

Oh well...
I feel so stressed because I have no money and I have to pay off all this stuff. I have a headache... I hate feeling stressed. UGH. And finals!! And I have to get my oil changed... Great. I guess I'll do that Monday.

I feel sick.
Money sucks.

I so can not wait until Saturday.

But I feel bad because I kinda avoided Brittany D because I had a feeling she would ask me to drive her. But I have no money to afford the gas. I need to save it.

Now I need to study for math.

Last night at work Kyle totally ignored me. It was kind of weird... I didn't really try to talk to him though. He looked angry but everytime he walked past me he wouldn't even look at me! T____T I hated it. Last night was so lonely. And it REALLY sucked having Kyle not even speak to me. He wouldn't at all. UGH.
And Mike is really annoying. Some new older guy closing with us. He's always asking what I'm doing like I'm not doing anything. Why does he even care?
But while I was on break Carmen and Brittany D visited for a couple hours! <3 I was so happy. =] We talked to Cutter, Anthony (who now thinks Larry, Vicente and the new maintenance guy wants me x[) Thomas, and some other people. It was nice. I love them <3

OH! But while I was doing Peyton Vicente and Larry acted SO weird... I can see the door to the produce room from the grocery back room and I turned around and they were looking through the window. Then I turn around again and Larry was standing outside the door not moving. And then I turn around AGAIN and they both were! Not moving. Everytime I turned around they were closer. But I NEVER saw them move. It was so creepy. I freaked out and told Anthony and Fernando. Then went on break... They were too weird.

Then after I was off Kyle waited in the parking lot. For Fernando of course. I just walked past him. Said bye to Fernando and left. Jerk. Ugh.

It really sucked yesterday. I hate being alone. And ignored. But I was happy people visited me.

Austin keeps getting mad at me I think. I'm just being difficult I guess. He annoys me sometimes though. I don't have to answer his questions. And just because I don't reply doesn't mean I'm ignoring him. Ugh! I don't HAVE to constantly text him. I hate that. But I know I can't go back to trying with him again. I have to at least want to see them or talk to them. I just wished I did like him... It's not fair. I give up on Kyle. I don't want to feel hurt by him. Sean, a different bagger at Fry's, asked me out too =/ He texted him. I said no. I'm tired of it. I hate people asking me out when I'm just going to say no anyway.
Gil doesn't understand.
He thinks it's great. He wants people to ask him out.
Why would that be great when you're just going to say no to them anyway and then they don't even want to look at you at work now? Sean avoided eye contact too! UGh.
I hate it.
I don't want to hurt people. And I don't want people I can't go out with to ask me out. And anyone I do like of course won't.
All Gil is thinking about is Colleen! And that's not going so well for him... I feel bad for him.

I guess I should study for math this weekend.
I have my math final on Wednesday. I'm bad at math...
I'll have to request more hours so I can pay for my classes for next semester.
But they're cutting hours. So it's just great.
=[

I feel depressed today.
I'll pick up my check tonight...
Hopefully I won't see Kyle so I won't have to be ignored by him.
UGH.

Maybe I should just try sleeping all day today.

Current Mood: crappy
Current Music: Wake Up Call - Relient K

So far I don't feel any different with Austin.
Next week we're supposed to go to Zoo lights.
Tomorrow he's gonna meet Tamara for a few.
And I feel bad because I know I like Kyle...
But he won't give up.
And Kyle still won't ask me out!
But Fernando told me he talked to him and somehow I've noticed Kyle being nicer... in a way. He doesn't insult me as much. He still throws things at me. Like a pen not too long ago... It hurt. Grr. But we tried to hit eachother with a balloon and he won. -_- My hair was all staticky. Ugh.

Well anyway tomorrow I get a whole day with Tamara! I'm so excited.
I haven't hung out with her for very long in a really long time!! =D
We're gonna go to the mall and we don't know what else...

David stopped by the store today before he went back to Canada.
I was sad =[
He came for his dad's funeral. He said he came by the store like 4 times looking for me and Austin didn't tell me he saw him!! GRRR>
So he called me from a friends phone, since he left his phone in Canada.
I miss him already ='[


Oh and Twilight sucked.
I didn't like it.
The acting was bad.
I don't like Kristen Stewart.
But... I was surprised by Robert Pattinson.
I liked him. He turned himself cute in my eyes.
I would SO find him romantic.
If the movie wasn't so bad and Kristen Stewart didn't ruin it...
Ugh.
I was disappointed T_______T

K!
BED

Current Location: ROOM
Current Music: Ma Poubelle - Sum 41

Austin wants to wait. He said he'll wait as long as it takes for me. Austin can do WAY better than me. T____T
I tried... Ugh.

I woke up feeling SO SICK this morning. You have no idea. My head hurt. My throat hurts. I didn't go to ASU. I felt THAT sick. UGH. Tomorrow I have to go to work and school.
Nuuuuuuu ;_;

Also.
I hate drama.
I hate when friends have drama
And I have to listen to it over and over and have to help fix it.
People should just get over it.

Seriously..

Current Location: Room
Current Music: Mushroom River - He Is Legend

So I am officially horrible.
I kinda started to realize that I wish Kyle had asked me out before Austin =[ Fernando kept telling me how Kyle wanted to around my birthday but he acts like a freaking 5 year old around me all the time, how should I know?! But he took too long!! T_T And when I work with Kyle I love it. Austin thinks Kyle likes me but I never told him that I kinda liked him too...
And now the more time I spend with Austin the more unsure I am about actually going out with him. I kept moving forward but now he knows I'm back to being unsure. I have no idea how I feel. I'm terrified of trying and then later backing out and having him hate me. He said he'll never hate me and to just do w/e when I'm ready. But what if I never am?! And we just keep trying. When will I know if I'm even sure I don't want to! When we're together I don't feel like I don't want to be. But not really that I want to either. I'm just there. And then when I'm not with him I get confused and I don't know if I want to or not.
UGH
I thought maybe if he met my friends it would help me feel more comfortable. He asks to do stuff and I say yes but I'm not sure. He wants to hang out at my house and I don't want him to.
I don't know if it's his age?
I DON'T KNOW! Why can't I ever know what I really want?! Maybe I just want someone to be with? I don't even know T_T And then if Kyle actually asked me out, what if I wanted that? More than Austin. And I told Austin no for sure and I went for Kyle? I could never do that to him. I can't hurt him...
Why do I have to be so horrible?? Why did I have to even bother.
I know Kyle never will. Even if he wants to he won't. I don't know if he's too scared or what. He acts all confident with me but he couldn't even give me a birthday present. Jerk... Fernando just says he's scared and doesn't know how to act around me. I think he even talked to Kyle about it on Friday when we were closing when Fernando found out I might try to go out with someone else.

I feel horrible. And nervous. I hate this feeling. Sooooo much.
I can't wait until Tamara comes and I get to see her on Saturday and have someone to talk to. I haven't seen her in ages. I miss her so much T_T

I need to remember to come visit on Tuesday at ASU too!! OMG.
I forgot last week!
And the week before was a holiday. But last week I forgot! Ugh...
This tuesday I WILL remember. I need friends T__________T

K

Current Location: Room
Current Music: Brothers On A Hotel Bed - Death Cab For Cutie

I finally saw Saw 5 tonight (with Austin! <3)
And I liked it. SO CONFUSED THOUGH. OMG. I should have watched the others before it. I need a Saw Night!!
I woke up early this morning to eat at IHop with Brittany <3
I miss her. I feel bad now about me being obsessed that I'm friends with Tamara again but I love Tamara... I can't help it. She's a really good friend. And I love Brittany too. She's my person <3 =[ And I know she doesn't like it..
UGH

But Austin is passing. Our first date was kinda eh but tonight was pretty good =D
He tried to put his arm around me... but that kinda failed. He asked me to learn forward and I totally freaked out. I was nervous from the moving and I thought he was going to do something weird to freak me out more. But he said to put his arm around me... And it was REALLY uncomfortable. He's too tall or his arm is too long or something. It hurt. I had to move his arm but I kept apologizing -_- Ugh. I ruined it.
But when we left he asked if he was too tall to hold my hand so I got to hold his hand for like the walk to his car. Just great...But it was something <3

Then he asked what Twilight was about. I went on and on and on the whole ride back to my house but... I didn't get to finish. I was sad. =[ I think he was bored though. I complained about... whats his name? Who plays Edward. Robert something? Dunno. Who cares?! I hate him! They could do so much better!! SO MUCH! He's not good enough T____________T
What are they thinking?! Ugh. I complained during the previews. Austin probably thinks I'm crazy.

But he's good. I like him. I think I could like him more. Or at least as much as he likes me. Which is alot... so he claims. He's better than the other's I've dated or liked. Better than Kyle at least... Jerk. I'm tired of him. He's out. And Austin really likes me <3 I love that! He's good to me! I love that the most. He won't hurt me and he respects me. He doesn't go too far with the teasing or gets angry at me or ignores me. He actually wants to talk to me and texts me all day. I love it. Before I was afraid of hurting him because I was afraid of not being about to like him or care about him as much as he wants... And he wants to know how much I like him. He keeps asking. So now I kinda need to find a way to bring it up.. again. Hmm.

I'm happy now!
School tomorrow though =[

I've had a happy night and weekend! I love Kelsey so much! It was fun at the zoo with her! I love spending time with her <3 <3 <3 And laughing about stuff and her awesome music. Best. Master. EVER. I love her approval <3

And I got to see Carmen on Sundy. Everyone loves her <3 And she's happy now. She has no idea how her being happy makes us all feel. She deserves being happy. I wish we could spend more time with her <3 Wife! And it's funny when she texted Austin. he told me she was intimidating and I laughed because I told him that he would be REALLY surprised meeting her. He's 6'2 and she's 5'. He was like NOWAY!

And Brittany! I need more time with her... She's my person <3 She constantly makes me laugh. And she needs someone to talk to about everything. Including Josh.

<3

HAPPY!

Current Location: Bedroom!
Current Mood: silly
Current Music: Haunting - Anberlin

I think I have pink eye. I looked it up and I think I have all the symptoms.
Not to mention I've had pink itchy eyes for like 3 days now.
Yep.
Pink eye.
In BOTH eyes!
WHY?!

I think it happened Wednesday night.
Kyle texted me and told me to come over to help him study for astronomy.
I even kinda told him no because I know nothing about it but I was curious.
So I went.
His apartment is small. Boring. He just made me help look up some stuff in his book and I watched some tv.
Around 1 I decided to go home because my eyes were seriously bugging me.
Then the next morning my eyes were all pink and puffy! It was horrible!
I had to stay home from school yesterday and today I called into work.
I can't miss one more day of school!
Then I would have used up all my sick days!
So it's been like... 3 days now?
Sunday will be 4.
Ugh it says it lasts around 7-10 days! That's not fair! I don't have 7-10 days!
What will I do?!
I don't want to get dropped from school T_________T

And why the eyes?
I hate anything that has to do with eyes.
Ewwww...

Kyle will have to close by himself.
Good.
Suuuufferrrrr.
Making me come over at like 11 at night.
Jerk.
I blame him for my suffering!

Ugh.
I guess I'll go catch up with homework today.
But I'm super sleepy...

Grrrrrrrrr.

Current Location: Room
Current Mood: crappy
Current Music: Inevitable - Anberlin